Good... Better. Great! Thats how life goes for me! Things just keep turnin for me and they are turning good. God really helped me get over Aaron and now I know I am, because I'm happy. The funny thing is, he's not.. Infact, he's confused. He wants 2 different girls.... so I was just a new thing to him, and now he has too many girls, and doesn't know what to do. I thought about it and now I know that he's isn't for me. He's not the one.. I know it now. Its just funny how things work out. I have a great guy in my life, plenty of friends there for me, and I am just in general happy! Life is grand... I'll write more tomorrow, or maybe later, I need to talk to peeps. Adios World.

Hey peeps! Guess what! Chicken Butt! Guess why? Chicken Thigh! Okay I'm done. Anywho... this weekend has been all about work. I'm so tired of working! I've worked every day since last thrusday and I have to work tuesday too! OH well.. I'll deal. Anyways, I talked to Aaron today, he told me to read his blog, which I need to do, because I want to be there for him, but I"m scared I"m going to screw myself up. I don't want that. SO I don't know if I'll read it or not. Its probably just about how he's not getting over Audrey and how he's datin her and takin her to go see x-men 2 and angermangement.. and all of these other freaky movies. Probably the same reason he's trippin and won't give up. She's probaly just going to fuck him over in the end. I don't want to see that happen. I know I used to, but for some reason, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I hope because it means I'm over him. I mean of course I will never be fully over him, but I'm at the point where I know the past won't grant me another chance, and that Aaron doesn't want me. I have to face that fact on my own. He likes or possiably loves Audrey! So, let him have her! I told him, that he will always hold a spot in my heart that can belong to him, but for now it belongs to Peyton. One of my good friends Sean who lives in Seattle, says he's thinking about moving down here for school! OMG if he does! It's going to be like Christmas all over again! LoL. by that I mean, it's going to so awsome! I can't wait! I doubt he will actually do it, but just the thought of him... living near me... is like thrilling! I'm like woo hoo! I finally got that damn poetry project done! It was really good. I had a lot of poems about Aaron in it because we had to use 5 poems that we wrote, and those were some that I had written in the past, and it would have just been faster, so I used them. Ms. Bredhold is probably going to get peod because she didn't really like when I wrote Aaron the first poem... she doesn't know the good side of him, all she knew is what she thought, she never learned that he was innocent, like i did... and as much as I love Ms. Bredhold, in a way, I blame her. She kept talking me to do it, to break up with him, and so like a repeating pattern in my head, I see myself standing in the Industrail Hall breaking up with Aaron. I need to stop blaming others for my faults, but in this case, there was more than one reason she pursayed me. She let me read the note, and she kept talking me into telling me Aaron wasn't anything, when actually he was everything. I don't know, everything i say now, it makes more sense. I don't feel like I have to cry anymore. Good thing I suppose. Well I must go. I'm going to get to bed... and aaron, I'll read your blog tomorrow, not that you read this thing, but hey it's worth a shot.! Adios World!

AIR... I NEED AIR.... It's so hott in this house! I just wish the landlord would turn on the air.. I have 2 fans and a window open ... and I'm dyin up in here! Anyways... guess what! I got my car! I'm soooo happy! WOO HOO! My mom cleaned it up and it actually looks nice, but I still don't like the shape of the car. I wen to the tanning bed today.. I got burned... again.. I went for 15. Thats okay... I am getting tan, I notice my tan lines! OH YA GO ME! My ex bf keeps coming up to me and kissin me on my check... it's annoying! He needs to stop. And if you are thinkin about Aaron... no.. Wayne... I hug people, it's my thing, and so I guess he really takes it entirely the wrong way! I don't know... i mean, what if he doesn't mean anything buy it, then I would feel horriable by tellin him I have a bf when he goes to do it... I think at lunch i will just bring my bf up... and then randonly talk about him. Maybe then he'll figure it out.. dunno... this is a guy I'm trying to deal with here.. oh no... this could take awhile! lol. I piged out on salad today.. I just got some from the store and it was yum! I went to go see Aaron's sister today... I had to go to her work to buy a few things and I went to see if she was there and she was. So I talked to her for awhile. She's really nice. I always did like Aarons family.. exspecially Danielle... she was so cute! She liked me a lot... I think. But it's cool. Aaron and Audrey did break for certain.. I braved up and read the blog... which I only read one entry.. its the only thing that I wanted to read! They are dating now... the bad part is... I know he's gonna get screwed over like I did. Which is scary cuz that is what I wished for.... but now it's bad because I don't want to see him hurt. Cuz I don't care anymore. Plus my 2 friends are witches... and I am kinding thinking they had something to do with this shit. So I'm going to have to talk to them on how you don't put out wishing spells. Grr.. Lol. Its cool, I would have done it myself for a friend in need. But thats when I wanted revenge.. when I wanted him to pay for what he did. But I mean, it's my fault, so why should I make him pay. See I don't relize this shit until after I'm over him. LoL. There are 3 main things that made me get over him too. Peyton, my friends, and the thing I made him... that I look at everyonce in awhile. I honestly love the thing i made him.. I don't really wanna give it to him.. I did way to much work on it! Well that's it for now... I'll talk to you later world. Adios!

Last weekend was a lot of fun, Friday night I went to go see a movie with this guy named Michael. He's cool.. he's just my friend tho.. I still have a bf, and care about my bf very very much! We went to go see Anger Management! It was funny as hell! When we got there we ran into some more friends from school, Josh, Tyson, and Mike. Those guys are the biggest movie critics in the world! But its cool, they are awsome! Infact, Josh asked if I would like to go again and I was like "HELL YEAH!" So yup, in a few more weeks, movie night once again! So after the great movie, we went to Wendy's and ate.... the group of us did, and then the 3 guys went home and me and mike cruised green, took green out as far as it could go, then just went driving around out in the country talking.. it was fun. He took me home and I went to bed.. cuz I was pooped. Saturday I worked my ass off until 7 and then I went home. I ended up calling Michael and we went and got Samantha, and then we went to see Identity.... good movie btw. Scary... but good! Since none of us were over 17, we couldn't get in on our own, lucky, John was there to save us! John is Sara's (Davids Ex-gf, my 2nd best friend) Sisters, fiance. if that makes since. ANywho I see John all the time because he comes into my work to buy groceries. So when I saw him at the movies, we asked him to get us in... how pathetic! loL. But ti worked and he did. I remember him saying "I feel like I'm buying cigerettes for minors." Lol. He's funny. When his fiance (Gena, Sara's sister) got there, she came up to me and said hi. I also saw Jeff there, a friend of Aarons.He was going to go see Malibu's Most wanted though. After the movie, we hit the bowling ally. Samantha and me partied all night long! Until 2:00 anyways.. my dad was out all night so he didn't even know we went to the bowling ally until we told him the next day! He came home around 3:30 in the morning.. so we beat him home by a long shot! Sunday I worked... it sucked... I went home... and did nothing! OH wait... I got online and then I went to bed! LoL. Monday was a bad day, today was a bad day, well until I got home from work anyways. Me and my mom talked about my car (which I get in a matter of days now) 1 to be exact. Cuz tomorrow, my grandma is giving it to me, which is the reason I will not be at school in the morning! WOO HOO! CAR FOR ME NONE FOR U! My mom is going to clean it up and drive it for me for awhile. Then the day I get outta school, i get my car. I'm also excited because we are getting the apartment across the street, too! My mom turned in the application for it and it's all good! ( I had gravy there but since Aaron hates that phrase, I switched it for him). OH wait, yesturday was kinda good, Rebecca called me, my ex-bf's little sister that I had mentioned in here before. I was so glad to here from her. I told her I was going to try to come see her soon. So I"m going to keep that promise! As long as Chris isn't around I"ll be okay. Chris is actually cool, but it's been really accward for me to be around him since the break-up. He was like my best friend, and I was really happy with him, but he got sick of me, just like Aaron did. Speaking of Aaron, I heard that Aaron and Audrey broke up, I'm not for certain it's the truth because I just overheard it. You know how rumor's fly now days. Anyways, If it is true, I don't know. Like I was thinking about this, am I happy that this happened, am I sad, am I okay with it, do I want him back... the thing is, I don't know! I will admit that I miss the old us, but I do NOT miss how I was always in pain by him. I am not sorry that she broke up with him because I think he should feel the hurt that I felt, u know when you chase someone down for a long time and they don't give a good enough chance. I became so obsessive and crazed, and horriable, that I hate myself for it. I was a wreck! I am terriably sorry for all of that! I am happy with where I stand in life right now, I have fun, I can be me, and not have to worry who I please. I really like how I have changed. The last time I cried.... was over my grades. And it was because I was majorly stressed out! Because I am so buggin with my grades. WEll this is far to long. Adios World. Good night!

Life... hmm... I don't know what I think about it anymore. Things are shaping up...for example.. I have really good grades in all of my classes except newspaper... but I'm going to try to get that up too! I have a B in History.. that is like the highest grade ever I have in there.! I'm really proud of myself for that. Infact... I talked to Mrs. Burnheart about huskettes and she said that if I can get my grades up and someone drops out I"m in because I did good enough to get in! WOO HOO GO ME! As far as Aaron... We talk.. at school. Thats it! I called him the other day tho to inform him that the Linkin Park concert has officially been canceled! It sucks. I'm going to go sit in a corner, take the laptop with me, and pout. *pouts* Anyways.. I'm over it... I get some money. My favorite teacher has been making me little necklaces that are really cute. She gives em to me for like 5 dollars.Last night.. I did something very brave.. I asked someone I have never mentioned in my blog before to go out with me. They said yes! I'm happy! I've actually been wanting to go out with this person for a really long time, but never got the chance. His name is Peyton... and he's hott... and muscular... and ALL MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! I'm not greedy at all! Anywho... He's great! So far anyways! LoL. He'll be great forever tho because I've known him since the 7th grade and seriously... theres something about him thats cool. Anywho.. I might end my blog.. I'm not sure who reads it anymore. I'll probably start another one... but only give the addy out to Sean, Breya, and my bf, and my mom. Kristi too. I think this who blog was a depressing one... I don't want my life to be all about depressed. Because I honestly have it a lot better than most people. I have good friends, a fairly good life, a great boyfriends, and great parents. I don't credit my family and friends and boyfriends enough. Thats one thing I need to change. Sometimes people will do things and bend over backwards to please me, and I don't give them that credit. I abuse what relationship I have with that person, whoever it maybe. For example, my mom, she does all kinds of things for me, and I just don't appreciate her enough. My best friend Samantha, she'll go bowling for 3 hours just so I can have fun, and yet I get mad at her for flirting with some guys. I mean, I see where I am bad, so I can change. I think it would be wise for me to change too. So all of you friends of mine that read this... thanks! Thanks for puttin up with me and being there for me when I need you the most! Even William! I want to say sorry to Aaron too, because I put him through so much. I sent him a really long email oplizing.... so maybe he'll forgive me. I'm not sure that I'm going to make a new blog... but if I don't then this one will no long be sappy bullshit. Well hopefully not, as long as my life stays on the good streak I'm fine. Well I g2g... my bf is Iming me out the wazoo.. grr.. lol. jk. no I don't mind!!!!!! I like him talking to me! :) Adios World. good night!

Fuck Life, Fuck it all. I can't do anything because of my grades. I'm about ready to go back to Bosse and deal with peoples shit so I can fucking do color guard. Not to mention I want to kick this gurls ass for being such a bitch to me all of my life! I tried out for Huskettes today and they told me that I will not make the team. So it was no point, but i did it anyways. She says if there is an opening that I could fill it if my grades were good enough. I'm fucking sick, Aaron isn't talking to me, nor do I even know if I'm ready to talk to him, I want to though, but I am still kinda like fucked up. He has just been ignoring me and its really bad. He could at least say something to me! Since he's going out with Audrey I doubt he's even reading my blogs. What the fuck am I supposed to do with myself. I try to be happy, but I can't. I made my bed, and now I have to lye in it. Thats what happen these days. I made something for Aaron that I wanted to give to him at the concert, but now I don't even know if I want to. Because of that stupid whole deal with Audrey I feel like I can't do anything anymore. She's tooken him away as my friend cuz its obvious he can't even say hi to me or good luck for my try-outs today which umm... he knew I was doing and it really meant something for me. So I don't know. Fuck him I guess. No wait. I already did that. The whole world hates me, everyone fucking turns there back on me. Why do people do this? Do they get a thrill out of it or something. "I just want to find one decent guy." Thats what I always used to say. Figures, I do, and I fuck it up, so I won't be happy again. Why couldn't i have wished for more? See Aaron is happy. I am sad. I was happy... with Wayne....but I gave that up. I don't really want to go out with him again though. I'd feel dumb. David and me have been hanging out a lot recently. I have fun with him, but no... he's just not my type. Although I think he wants to me to be Sara. (He's ex.) (My bestfriend besides Samantha). He's always had a crush on me and I went out with him for 3 days, and then I broke up with him cuz I went out with him for the wrong reasons. Plus, Micah, was wanting to go back out with me so I went out with him.. damn this story sounds familiar! Aaron reminds me of Micah in many ways, the way he acts, how he treats me, what I feel, the games after the relationship, but I figured it was different with Aaron, because Aaron is a senior and mature, unlike my 8th grade bf Micah. Its like while your in the relationship you have so much, but afterwards you have nothing. I don't want Aaron to be how me and Micah are today. I feel uncomforable being around Micah. He's a horror though... I think I got him there... cuz umm.. ya. LoL. I think I awoke his ummm manlyness. Is that how I should put it? But it was 8th grade, things happen. Grr... Why can't my life just be good? WHY!? Its like nobody cares. I'm stuck in a world that I don't want to be in alone! Well I guess thats it. Aaron.. if you still read this, I'm sorry for everything. I know sometimes I seem like I just won't leave you alone, but I just wanted you back.... sorry. And please just fucking talk to me or something! Just because you have a gf doesn't mean I'm going to kill you. Ya, I'm upset, and hurt, and pissed, and angry, but you ignoring me just pisses me of worse. As for Audrey, you can keep that between you too. But I will be here if you want to talk... and so will Leah. Oh wait thats right, you might want to go to Leah cuz... umm.... you don't feel open with me. So her sn is blondone63. Well Adios World.... Bye Aaron.

This is going to be the hardest blog to write... cuz something has to be said... that I don't want to say.... Aaron and Audrey are together. As you I'm crying right now.. of course. What else is new. My god I'm shaking! You know.. he's the one person that I feel I could run to anytime I was hurt and he was there for me, but now I he's the one person I can't run to... and this hurts.... I love him so much. SO so much. Why does this have to happen... Why do I have to suffer? I know that she's probably just a new thing and I have to comfort myself with that thought, but then all the what ifs come to mind. Everything just keeps coming back about mine and his past and GOD DAMNIT IT HURTS! I've got 10 people talking to me right now on all kinds of messangers trying to calm me down.. it's 11:30 at night and my mom is up trying to calm me down. I just can't help it.. It hurts. I have hate cuz it hurts, I'm wishing the worst stuff possiable cuz it hurts. Its not that I really mean it, it just sounds like a good way to solve things. Why is she better than me? Aaron says cuz I don't know how to treat people which I don't get at all because I treated him with respect, honestly, love, kindness, trusting, everything. What the fuck! ? I don't get this. Now I know why David is always saying that he knows there is a better reason that he was stuck on this world. Because he's been hurt, like me, and its the only kind of hope you have left for yourself. Thats okay. I'm going to figure something out. Something IS AND WILL HAPPEN I don't know what yet. But its not going to be pretty. Aaron wants to not talk to me cuz he's got a gf, hell I bet he don't even go to the concert with me now that or he'll want that bitch to come. So I don't know, maybe I won't go. They will probably break up by then. Audrey will find something better than Aaron, cuz trust me, Audrey is a very beautiful girl, guys aren't going to stop flirting with her cuz she's got a bf. And its abvious that she flirts with bfs cuz thats how come she ended up not being with the one with she was, thats why she is with Aaron, thats okay. I'm just going to laugh whenever they break up. While he's boo whooin over her I'm going to laugh, cuz you know what, I bet it will hurt him and I hope it hurts I hope he fucking wants to do everything in his power to get her back and she won't let him go back to her, cuz you know what, thats how the FUCK I FEEL! Adios world. I'm going to go the fuckin mental hostipal soon. After Huskette Tryouts anyways, I need to get on that! Bye World.